Thursday, February 28, 2008

Recognition?

One of the things I struggle with is recognition, for my agency. I understand that even in saying "rape crisis center" there is an icky factor most people won't face. I understand that you can never make reference to my agency and have a happy thought. But, we do good work. Our clients are worthy of recognition as "community success stories" too.

Today I attended a community celebration of our volunteers and service agencies. It was a nice way to encourage service by recognizing what is already done by so many in our community. It was a nice opportunity to see some of the really innovative programs one doesn't normally hear about.

But, I was once again struck by how easily my agency is excluded. Speakers, time and time again, referred to services for "families struggling with domestic violence and services for sexually abused children." (Not that I think those victims/services aren't just as worthy as mine) I am almost tempted to raise my hand and ask if they realize that adult women are innocent victims too? It seems to me that our culture has a hard time accepting that victimization is victimization, and that we ought not judge the victims more harshly than we judge the perpetrators of crime, violence, and fear.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Numbers game

One of the functions that is necessary in this sort of work is keeping up with numbers. We need to be able to show our funders that we are indeed serving the people we claim we are . . . and we need to be able to track our own services and contrast them by the needs we are seeing. For example, I'm currently writing a grant for some money to pay for professional counseling for adult clients who can't afford counseling or don't have adequate insurance coverage.

Accepting the numbers agencies like mine submit takes a little faith and a little bit of a critical eye. I remember a few years ago, a similar agency reported that they fielded 1,500 crisis line calls but only assisted 7 clients. Or when an agency in a community with a total population of 20,000 says that they provided victim services to 2,000 new and unique victims in a year. Or, when an agency in a community of 500,000 only served 3 victims of sexual violence in a year.

One of the questions we constantly ask ourselves is: how do we report accurately the number of people we serve and the units of service we offer. Some agencies will say "we provided shelter to 1,200 people last year" when their shelter sleeps 7. Or, another agency said they provided support group services to 5,000 people in the course of 52 weeks. Clearly, these organizations are leading folks to believe that units of service and individuals served are the same thing.

In my agency, we work hard to be clear in our numbers. We have developed a report from which all funder reports are pulled . . . and when the funder's report leaves us feeling as if it doesn't adequately express all we do, we give them a copy of our internal reporting. It is a two second report . . . that fits on one sheet of paper. One part reflects the individuals served, categorized by type of victimization. When we have an individual who has experienced multiple victimizations, we count them for the primary abuse that first brought them to our agency. If someone stops contact with us, and several months pass before contacting us again, if there has been a new victimization, they get counted as if they are a whole new person. We do this not to bolster our numbers but to reflect the amount of violence in our community.

The second part of the report shows the units of service. In a month, we may serve 12 new victims/survivors but answer our crisis line 28 times. One client who is seen in the ER typically has, at minimum, 3 crisis line calls, an er call, a follow up call, and one or two "information and referral" services.

We also report how many calls are taken outside normal business hours to demonstrate that even when personnel aren't physically in the office, services are offered and used.

And, lastly, we don't have a computerized client record system. Yet. If we were to purchase such a system, we would also have to put it on a machine that is not connected to the internet or networked with our other computers. I would rather use paper and pencil than ever have to call clients and tell them that our records were hacked. The question we haven't resolved yet is how long do we keep client records. I'm starting to think that 10 years is long enough . . . but I have a sneaking feeling that if we shredded records, the next week something would get requested by the courts.

Which opens a whole new box of worms. Because we do not do professional therapy in our office, I don't feel that we need to keep extensive notes on clients or assessments. Our client records really give us the demographic information we need for reports and brief, factual, notes on the crime. I have had the courts request our files before . . . and because we don't keep extensive records on individuals . . . our client records have never been judged by a Judge to be worth sharing in a trial. I think this is one of the great advantages of a small, grassroots type organization.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Downward spiral

One of the questions that stumps folks doing anti-rape work is "how does someone become a sex offender?"

Several years ago, I had the misfortune to watch one of my friends go from being an upstanding citizen to a convict. I know that every sex offender has their own story and motivations. This story isn't intended to excuse his behavior, let him off the hook, or minimize the pain he caused a wide circle of people. It is merely the retelling of one story . . . not too different from gaining value from hearing survivor stories.

When I was still green behind the ears, many years ago, I met a local youth counselor. For the purposes of this story, I'll call him Fred. Fred was one of the first community people to take our training class. One of the things that impressed me is that he seemed really concerned about the few youth he worked with who were struggling with sexual idenity. This immediately made him stand out . . . in that at that time, in this small community, lots of folks didn't even want to acknowledge that homosexuality existed, much less that there might be one or two HERE.

Over the years, Fred and I ended up on quite a few committees or boards together. He was older than me by a couple of decades . . . but still seemed to relate well to troubled kids. He never married, and it seemed to me that he was kinda trapped. Looking around, I see that it is fairly difficult for people in this community with a high level of education, who "aren't from here", and super busy jobs to really find a mate. Additionally, his mother was living in his home, and having daily nursing care. A busy job, and an elderly parent doesn't leave much time for meeting dates.

Fred's mother died just about a month before my mother-in-law died. I offered him support. I made sure he had food in his frig, and included him in a few family meals. I was worried that since his mother's death, he seemed to be staying home and playing with the newest toy . . . the internet.

He started telling me about the chat rooms for troubled teens that he would go to. He said that he had a repuation in some of these rooms as someone who listened and who cared. He retold several stories of teens seeking him out because a friend was saying things that scared them (suicidal things).

I remember warning him to be very careful about how much information he gave out about himself. I warned him that he didn't want kids running away and showing up on his doorstep. He promised me that he showed the same care he did when he was working. I also urged him to get out more with his friends . . . possibly date. And, it seemed that he was being more social.

Some time went by, and we kinda fell out of touch. I still heard about his work with local youth programs . . . but we didn't see each other much anymore. One day, he called me personally to tell me that he'd referred a teen he was working with to our office and to give me some back ground ahead of time. That afternoon, a mutual friend called to tell me that he had been arrested by the state police.

The story was that he had gone to a school in a nearby district, used his professional title to check a boy out of school, took him home, and sexually assaulted him. And, that this boy wasn't the only victim. All of the boys had been "met" through the internet. Further, the state police had found all manner of illicit conversations with young boys on his computer.

I was sick to my stomach. But, not entirely surprised. I spent the weekend struggling to accept that my friend was a monster. Part of me wanted it to be all a sick joke whereas I KNEW it wasn't. I realized that families who learn of incest must have the same struggle . . . but without the benefit of the knowledge and experience I have.

Fred called me once, to ask if I could testify to his character . . . and I explained that I would have to testify that he was a molester and that I totally believed the young men who had come forward. Fred eventually plead guilty to all charges. I don't know if he is even alive still.

I learned later that when the state police started their investigation, they put a block on his email/internet account. Realizing that he was possibly in trouble, he tried to log into several other people's accounts . . . which resulted in their accounts temporarily being blocked. Also, that in an attempt to clean some of the files off his computer he tried to have one of his computer savvy client kids fix it . . . and tried to get the computer person for his work place to clean it.

I am chilled at the thought of all the kids who were "helped" by him over the years. He was like a big teddy bear. I know several adults today who swear they would not have grown up outside a jail if not for Fred. I can't help but wonder if they now look back at this person they thought was so helpful and wonderful and wonder to themselves "did he try to molest me too?" Or, are they still carrying a secret?

I believe that the proclivity for "deviant" sexual behavior was always there with Fred. I think that he was able to keep it in check . . . knowing that it was wrong . . . for years. I think his personal struggle made him a better counselor for kids who were also struggling. I think that the combination of the isolation after his mother's death, the easy access of the internet, and the types of people he was conversing with night after night made it easy for him to quiet those parts of his brain that had always held him in check all those years. I think that when he was in chat rooms with kids who were bragging about their sexuality . . . talking as kids do when they are still figuring it all out . . . that he started to adopt for himself what he thought their values were.

Don't mistake my thoughts about his behavior for acceptance or approval. I disapprove of everything he did to ruin the lives and memories of untold numbers of youth in our community. But, I think it's an interesting look into someone who seemed to actually care . . .who either fell apart, or was snowing us all.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Casulty of War

It's a pretty horrifying story, read it knowing that.

A gulf war vet (two tours) has been charged with beating and raping his three month old daughter. His defense is that he has no recollection of committing the acts because he would drink and drug himself into passing out everyday. Although he doesn't admit doing it, he does agree that it is the logical possibility . . . being that he was alone with the baby.

I'm also thinking that it is a serious serious form of neglience to knowingly drink and drug yourself into passing out when you are the sole caregiver for a newborn. . . but that's a side issue.

Because this war effort is being staffed by national guard units, vets are coming from all over the country . . . not just military base areas. I've known a few women who experienced the long term or multiple deployments of their partners. Nearly every woman I know whose partner/husband was deployed report that their relationship broke within just a few months of the vet returning.

I know lots has been said and written about the lack of adequate services for vets. It seems to me that it would be easy enough to have routine and regular follow up or check in with returned vets/their partners to see if they need extra services to help them reenter society or cope with the trauma of their war experience.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Idea: Dating 101

This morning, a co-worker and I were talking about our own introduction to dating. This came up after we talked to a volunteer about her own dating past . . . and the lack of supervision she got from her parents.

My co-worker and I both experienced a fair amount of parental supervision until we were well into adulthood . . . decreasing, of course, as we got older. She and I both had parents who drove and were present when we were younger teens. We both experienced group dates rather than heavy, one-0n-one dates until we were of driving age. We both had parents who stayed up to insure we got home okay, and at a reasonable hour. And, we both experienced parents who felt free to express approval or disapproval even when we were in college and dating people who we ultimately realized were "not our style."

This all stood in stark contrast to what our volunteer experienced . . . from a fairly young age, her parents didn't interfere. She experienced dating with much older boys when she was really too young to date. She recalled boys trying to convince her that sexual activity she wasn't ready for was expected. She also said that she felt like she had to purchase expensive gifts for these boys and lived in terror of the boys telling everyone that she was "easy."

And, during this conversation, I realized that too many young men and women don't get adequate supervision while starting the process of dating, courting, etc. Too many boys and girls go into dating with imagined norms and expectations . . . because our society puts such and emphasis on abstinance education and keeping kids in the dark. Also, so many kids have watched their parents cycle through very adult type relationships . . . not the kind of dating we would expect from kids. Add in an assumption that kids today know more than we did (they don't) . . . and you have a recipe for kids being immature and abusive and ill-equiped to handle the change from playmates to dates.

Perhaps we can prevent a few of the sour experiences . . . or even some of the abuse and really bad behavior . . . if we spent more time teaching kids HOW to date and supervising them as they learn.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Responding

In response to the person who expressed concern about my blogging . . . I would like to point out that I take pains to not identify my agency, my community, or even the state in which I live. I never use client names, and what you don't know is that I frequently alter details about the client, the time line, or specifics of the story so that even if the client herself read it . . . she might say "that sounds a lot like what I went through" but not "that's me."

I tell client stories for two reasons . . . one, because I have absorbed a lot over the years and need an outlet so that I don't burn out and two, because I think that there are lessons to be learned about the experiences of women, survivors, and allies. You may notice that when I write about clients . . . I'm also writing about my thoughts and feelings and impressions as much as the client's experience.

As for boundaries . . . I have very good boundaries . . . of course, I know this because I know what I've been doing over the years. Anyone reading this blog, naturally, is only getting a small snapshot of my experiences. I'll go back and look, but I think that I took pains to indicate that driving clients is a rarity . . . but in a human service organization, sometimes we must be willing to extend ourselves in order to best serve our clients.

In the specific case of the client I transport, I do so as a specific favor to her and her doctor. She is unable to get counseling otherwise. Her first appointment with us, her doctor provided transportation and is willing to when I cannot. From one professional to another, the doctor assured me that she lives in a safe situation . . . just doesn't have a car or drivers license.

Frankly, the flexibility to extend our services in a way that is truly helpful to clients is one of the aspects of the non-profit service agency I appreciate most.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Gifts

One of the rewarding moments in our office is when a client brings us a token gift. Usually, these gifts are handmade items that reflect their healing or reflect their feelings towards our agency.

I have over my desk a cross stitch "A Friend's Prayer" a client made many many years ago. I have a small grapevine wreath with home grown dried flowers glued on it from another client. We've enjoyed countless baked items over the years.

Today, a client brought in a large drawing she'd done . . . representing her healing . . . that is religious/spiritual in nature. The staff all agrees she has a real "Grandma Moses" vibe in her work. She wanted to know if we'd be interested in displaying it in our office. It went up before she left today. We are discussing if having it laminated or framed is better.

Our office is a hodge-podge of posters, artworks, and knick-nacks given to us by people through the years . . . and I think this is one of the aspects that makes our office inviting and comfortable. Our walls tell stories of healing and peace.

Friday, February 1, 2008

No Pollyanna

I think I may have mentioned in passing that my real frustrations with my work isn't the client work . . . or even the administrative stuff that is so deadly dull and never done. It's the tangential stuff. Like when people just refuse to understand what we do . . . or stubbornly cling to wrong ideas about rape or rape victims simply because it would mean they have to change what gets them through the day . . . like that false sense of security.

Any way, a couple of years ago, a local organization that gives my agency a small amount of money . . . and has for quite a few years . . . sent my board a letter saying that they were concerned that if our office weren't open (read . . . if I'm not in the office) 24 hours a day, we couldn't possibly have services available 24-hours a day. Now, the funds they give us go chiefly to our direct services programming . . . including the cost of keeping our phone lines open 24 hours a day with live operators answering the lines when staff is not in the office. We are one of the few agencies in our area that has live operators 24-hours a day. There are other crisis type organizations in my community that rely on pagers activated by an answering machine . . . or over-night voice mail.

When the letter was received, my board was horrified by the utter lack of understanding about our agency and responded appropriately. And, I've come to realize that doing a bit of "self promotion" won't hurt me . . . and that perhaps I have been lazy in the PR area. We also started reporting not just calls taken, but how many were taken outside normal business hours. But, still . . . every time I am in the Emergency Room with a client in the middle of the night, I can't help but remember that letter . . . and have to fight the urge to call their office and let them know that I'm up, doing my job, and where are they?

My new years resolution this year was to find a way to let this bitterness go. I am trying. Really. One of my character flaws is that I can hold onto a grudge like you wouldn't believe . . . even when I know that I'm only hurting myself with it. Perhaps confessing it here will help me let it go.

EDITED: On a side note, my impression from the other groups we receive funds from or work closely with to provide our services is that they all think our agency is terrific and one of the better agencies in the state. Knowing this should balance how the one group regards us.