Monday, June 30, 2008

The Problem with Children

Last week was an interesting week for children and sexual abuse. We've been discussing the supreme court decision and contrasting it with the 16 city sweep of sex traffickers.

We are torn on the issue of the death penalty for people who rape young children. On one hand, we all wish we lived in a culture where the death penalty was not necessary or a consideration. We also all believe that the death penalty is not a deterrent to crime. But, we also acknowledge that there are some offenders who are so terrible and have such a long history of vicious attacks on our society . . . that we don't want our tax dollars keeping them alive.

Most of us in the office understand an economic argument for the death penalty. Our society has limited resources . . . and unfortunately, we have to pick and choose those issues and groups of people we will devote resources towards. It happens all the time. Every time we cut free lunches or supportive services to communities with big military deployments . . . we are deciding who deserves our resources and who doesn't.

At the same time this ruling was made . . . federal officials were rescuing trafficked children. If anyone deserves to "disappear" from the planet . . . I think it would be someone who sexually enslaves children for profit, no?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Closing out

This week, as the fiscal year (for those who know our office, shall I say "physical" . . . it's a joke with our staff because we run into so many folks who "out rank" us who insist on pronouncing "fiscal" as "physical" . . . and we decide to let that get on our nerves rather than, you know, like rape and stuff.)

Anyway, back on subject, the staff is working to close out cases . . . figure out which client files can be put in the locked filing cabinet that only I have a key to as opposed to the locked filing cabinet our client services folks have keys to.

I was struck by the contrasts of two cases I closed out yesterday. One involved a woman who reported sexual harassment, including 3rd degree sexual assault, in her work place. She told her supervisor what happened immediately . . . the supervisor referred her to our office and their internal HR office. (the right thing). We offered support, information . . . and she decided to file a grievance with HR. Her file notes say that HR did absolutely everything right. They listened to her . . . reassured her that they would do everything to keep the matter private . . . reprimanded the harasser . . . offered the client a change of job to minimize repeated contact with the perp . . . and kept her well informed of the case as it was handled. She was able to resume her day to day work in a short time and feels confident and secure in her job. YAY!

Then, the contrasting case was one of a young woman who initially reported a rape by a family member. The worker noted that the behavior of the client's mother seemed a tad inappropriate but that the client seemed to take it in stride so the worker said nothing about it. Later, the victim recanted her story. But, the condition of her recanting is chilling. She revealed that her youngest child (an infant) was fathered by her father. This case is working it's way through our court system and that her older child was fathered by her stepfather in another state. Apparently the case of that sexual abuse is winding it's way through another state's court systems.

What was even more chilling than the prospect of this child being forced to bear and care for children who were results of sexual violence . . . was that her mother had forced her to make up the most recent rape report. The mother's logic was that if the girl falsely reported a rape, was caught having falsely reported rape . . . then the case against the stepfather (who is also the mother's current husband) would be dropped because the girl would gain the reputation as having lied about being raped. We were sick over it. We are still helping her. And, suggested to the officer that perhaps an investigation into the mother might do some good.

On one hand, we have the perfect case . . . and on the other one in which everything has gone wrong from a long time ago. Hopefully, this time next year, I'll be more hopeful about the second case.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Vacation and back again

I recently took a real vacation. Not family obligation tour. Not a day or two off to get tasks accomplished around the house. A real vacation. Flying . . . taxis . . . . all new restaurants.

It was actually kind of nice to, for several days in a row, not be "rape crisis lady." I think I got through the entire vacation without once telling anyone what I do for work, and what exactly that means.

And, the first night back, I took an ER call. Nothing like a stark reminder of the two sides of life. In this particular case, the most notable part was we actually had a woman doctor in the ER! I can't remember how long it has been since that has happened. And, I remember thinking during all of the goings on that there was such a tremendous difference between the female doctor and the men. This doctor apologized to the victim for asking her to repeat her story AGAIN . . . she got the speculum in with a single, smooth motion, and she worked quickly while keeping the victim well informed of her actions. Before examining the victim, she made sure the victim had a safe home to return to after the exam was over.

It was a nice way to remember why we do this work . . . and I is always renewing for me to see women working together for another who has been hurt.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Imagine

I'm going to give some prompts . . . I want you to form a mental picture of three things . . . the victim, the perp, and the situation.

Imagine I told you that I spent 4 hours this morning in the ER with a victim. What do you imagine for the victim? the perp? the situation that led to the rape?

Now, imagine I tell you that the victim was a 51 year old woman. Do your mental pictures change any? What if I say she's 15? Or 9? Or 22? What if I say that the accused perp were 15? or 22? or 51? Or 9?

What if I told you that this woman was hispanic? Any changes? What if I told you she were middle eastern? Anything change? What if I told you the perp were white? Not white? Foreign?

What if I told you that I saw a woman in the ER who was disabled? Does your mental picture change? Would it change if I told you she were a veteran? Or homeless? Or had a history of arrests for prostitution? Or was a nun? What if I told you the perp were homeless? Or a known criminal? Or had a long history of mental illness? Or was a well respected community leader?

It is difficult to not let the mental picture change. I admit that when the pager goes off, and I speak to the ER charge nurse . . . some descriptions immediately bring more or less flattering mental pictures. For example, when I hear it's a college student, I have to force myself to not assume the student was intoxicated. Or, if I hear that it is an elderly woman . . . I have to tell myself to keep an open mind about the victim's ability to advocate for herself.

The problem is that for too many people, the worth of the victim and her/his experience is weighed by the labels we can attach to the victim. If the victim is a teen, many people will assume she is lying. If the victim has a history of substance abuse or prostitution or criminal activity . . . many folks will just dismiss the victim's experience all together.

We need to keep in mind that rape isn't JUST a gender issue. It encompasses how we feel about people who are different from us. Race, class, ethnicity, abilities, age, etc all play a part in how our society regards and reacts to victims.

We need to remember that the label "victim" is all we need to be compassionate in our response.