Trauma

Very bad behavior is a crime. We understand that and we punish accordingly. We, as a people, disapprove of stealing and hurting and other forms of misbehavior. But, over the past couple of decades, we are starting to understand that misbehavior is more than just taking that which we don't have a right to . . . it has lasting impact. Trauma doesn't go away so easily.

As I was reminded of the lasting effects of trauma yesterday when a man who works with another agency in my community was visiting our office. He said that he'd had a rough morning. When he arrived at his work place, he heard that there had been a tornado that touched down in his town a few miles away. He described calling people to verify the story and see what damages could be reported. He mentioned that he'd lived in the same town 20 some odd years ago when the town was nearly destroyed by tornadoes. Even though a life time has passed since those tornadoes . . . clearly the trauma of it still plays in his mind when the weather turns foul.

Trauma can make people react more strongly than you might expect. Trauma can lead to faulty logic and funny decisions. Trauma inflicted by people is harder to recover from than forces of nature. And, the long term trauma of being victimized sexually or physically is worthy of our society's patience.

Just something to think about.

That's what you do . . .

There is a link to the article in the title of this post.

The article is about a couple in San Antonio who tried to sell sexual access to the woman's five year old child in exchange for an apartment, a car, and day care for a 10 month old child. The article states that the mother of the 5 year old believed that the sexual abuse would be a "positive" experience for the child and she'd receive sexual gratification from watching. It also mentions that the couple, of which the male was married to another person, had plans to inflict their crazy on the 10 month old at a later date and even inflict violent crazy on a teenager.

But, keep reading. The wife of the male in this "couple" filed for a protective order to protect her 14 month old child from her husband . . . and filed for divorce. THAT'S what you do when you find out your husband is a scary, twisted, horrible person.

I'm sure there are more women or men who find themselves in similar situations . . . and we never hear about the ones who act swiftly to protect themselves and their children. I hate that this woman had to discover that the person she was building a life with could betray her in such horrible ways. . . but I applaud her for having a good moral compass.

All that Glitters?

This week, my staff and I have been following the twisted path aging rocker Gary Glitter has been taking back home.

He was convicted in Vietnam of sexually abusing 2 "pre-pubescent" girls. He spent three years in prison and was released this week. Since he is a foreign national, and a convict, Vietnam showed him the door. Mr. Glitter tried to move his road show over to Thailand but they just said no to the sex offender. He tried to avoid returning to England by first claiming that his little ears hurt, and then later faking a heart attack. (Oh, PUL-EEZE) He then boarded a flight to Hong Kong (Folks in Thailand told him that if he over stayed the 12 stay in the airport, they would jail him for immigration violations.) But, Hong Kong said they had no room for an foreign sex offender and sent him back to Thailand.

Finally, he is back in London.

Mr. Glitter says that he did not want to return to England because he would be disrespected because of his sex offender ways. Folks in England are forcing him to register as a sex offender.

Of course, I'm cynical. I don't believe that the young children he was caught sexually abusing were the first children he ever used for his own sexual gratification. Men in their 60s don't wake up one morning and decide that the one sexual experience they've never thought of before but must have before they die is sex with a young child. People who sexually offend against young children escalate their actions from fantasy, to pornography, to engaging with children for their own masturbatory uses, to abusing children. I doubt that it was by accident that Mr Glitter found himself wanting to have sex with children and JUST BY CHANCE finding himself in a country in which the sex trade makes finding a child to have sex with fairly easy. (Vietnam, Atlanta, you name it . . . the sex trade is everywhere)

I was pleased to see that even his money and/or celebrity status did not convince those other countries to take a chance on allowing him near their children. I'm glad to see that they didn't buy the logic that he'd "done his time and now deserved a second chance." When it comes to people who sexually abuse children, a second chance could mean more children's lives destroyed. Our society absolutely needs to monitor, closely, sex offenders . . . because once convicted, they are no longer innocent . . . the children in our society at least deserve that we will do what we can to control the offenders we already know about.

Deep, dark secret

I don't know what other folks imagine when they think of medical personnel. Sympathetic types who went into medicine to heal people? People who are selfless and giving? Money hungry misfits?

I think there is a little of all of those in most medical types. I think that it's often true that the passion that brings you to a profession very often is killed off by the reality of that profession.

One aspect of the work I do is how amazed I am at how easily medical people can be good or bad . . . without really even trying. When people who have experienced violation and abuse seek medical help, they are terribly needy . . . rightfully so. They need not only good medical response, but they need hand holding and care and compassion. Some days, it's too much to ask for a nurse or a doctor to let someone else's pain in so that the needs are met.

However, one thing I notice that always annoys me is when a doctor doesn't want to do their job and make clients suffer because they put it off thinking someone else will fill in.

Case in point . . . lately, my agency has responded to several ER calls involving child or young teen victims. And, it has been a struggle to get doctors to perform the pelvic exam necessary to complete the evidence gathering and/or medical treatment needed.

Most doctors who work in our ER are not specially trained for ER work. Most take a shift or two each month, and there are a few who work more consistently. Most ER doctors have little desire to perform gyno exams on any patient . . . less so on a child. The problem is, the longer they delay or hope they can outlast the shift and another doctor have to do it . . . the longer the child and her/his family have to wait . . . the longer law enforcement have to wait . . . and the more time the perpetrator has to come up with their cover story or leave town or harass the victim and their family.

But, this isn't confined to just ER doctors. I've had mothers tell me that when they have taken their children to their regular pediatricians, they were told that they didn't do "that kind" of exam. I'm blown away at the thought that pediatricians try to avoid going genital exams on children. Um, were all the test child dolls in medical school sans genitals?

It's just one of the frustrations of this work.

A step backwards

I've been mulling a blog post in my brain for a while now, but haven't managed to put fingers to keyboard yet. However, today, a news article caught my attention that has me wanting to fire off a quick post.

A news story from Ohio says that the catholic church there has issued new guidelines to their priests as to what behavior is and is not appropriate with children. Forbidden now is hugging, kissing, wrestling, lap sitting, etc. Permitted still are handshakes, high fives, and pats on the back.

Now, I'm all for creating clear understanding of what is and isn't appropriate behaviors. And, I am all for protecting children and especially can see the long reaching harm from sexual abuse from within a church.

However, I think we as humans have stepped backwards in our development if we can no longer distinguish between sexualized touch and affection, human support, or appropriate touching.

I don't think I've ever been handed a friend's baby to hold during which I have been able to resist kissing its' little noggin. Last week, while a co-worker and I were working with a local group of camp kids . . . one child spontaneously hugged my co-worker . . . which quickly turned into a group hug. The child initiated it . . . nothing inappropriate happened, and it probably was the right amount of physical contact to help the children feel safe, secure, and cared for in their world.

I would hate to see children lose that aspect of church and spiritual development. I know that members of a church, and ministers develop an often deep, intimate relationship with their spiritual leaders. I'd like to think that in a church, especially one in which there is so much screening, education, and training for the spiritual leaders, would be able to have a more meaningful dialog with their employees. I'd like to think that rather than making children feel unloved and alienated, the church could offer more meaningful supervision and guidance to their leaders.

But, that's me, clearly.