So much

Last week, I attended an international conference on sex trafficking. It was intense, and I'm still trying to wind down from it all . . . and the traveling.

Millions of women and children are trafficked across the world for the purpose of modern day slavery . . . whether for domestic services or sexual slavery or involuntary organ donation. All too often, local law enforcement see the women and children who are trafficked for sexual slavery as willing participants or criminals . . . not as disenfranchised persons who are in the most need of compassion and assistance.

You'll hear more about this later.

But, the question of the day . . . would you wear a t-shirt that proclaimed that you'd been raped?

I have mixed feelings. So many of the women I see are terrified of our community finding out about their rape . . . because the stigma is still so great. I also worry that the scary, violent, or ignorant people on the planet would use such a declaration as an invitation to inflict meanness.

But, I can also see that someone who has healed, and who does want to take an activist stand, would find wearing such a shirt empowering. I understand the argument that we perpetuate the shame and stigma by operating in secrecy for our clients. (For the record, I believe that clients should determine when and to whom they disclose their victimization . . . and until they choose that for themselves, I will respect their right to privacy.)

Refreshing

I have mentally been working up a post about this bizarre notion some men and women have about the physiology of male sexuality and their need/right to have sex whenever the mood strikes them. And, I was going to point out several cases, but most notably the one being investigated now with the New Jersey State Troopers. Frankly, I'd like to maintain my naive notion that COPS are smart enough to realize that if you have group sex with a intoxicated college student you JUST met, it likely isn't going to end well for you.

But, then something happened the other day that kinda restored my faith in people. Well, actually two things.

The first was a conversation I had with a board member. She was telling me about how really really nice her 16 year old daughter is. I found it particularly refreshing because so many moms of 16 year old girls are pulling their hair out and complaining about their kids. She was telling me of a family friend who is very ill with cancer. And my board member's daughter came to her mom and asked if she could go spend a few days at this woman's home to help her get it cleaned up for the holidays. She said she realized that with the illness, she wouldn't have the strength to make her home warm for the holidays, and that it must make her sad to be so limited. My board member panicked because the child wanted to go do this mission of sweetness on a day my board member was planning a surprise birthday party for her child. And, even nicer, the child gave no thought to the fact that her birthday would fall during this trip, or that she might expect a party.

Then, today, we had a meeting with a girl who is a senior in high school who has created a "teens against peer pressure" service group at her school. She explained that she was dismayed to see so many of her friends start drinking, using drugs, and experimenting with sex. She saw her friends drop out of normal activities or get in trouble or grades drop, what have you. When she created the group, she invited a large group to her home for a "party" and then had a video about peer pressure and explained what she wanted to do. Apparently, once the kids got over being tricked, they actually joined up with her. They invite speakers to discuss various topics and they are in the hunt for service projects they can do throughout our community. Now how wonderful is that?

It's refreshing to see such great examples of kids being strong, and taking the initiative to make their world a better place when so often our society is so willing to cast all young people as lazy, dumb, or not worth the effort.

Happy Holidays, Y'all.

Epiphiany

I had a great thought today.

I've been involved in volunteer or social change work since I was 14 years old and well over 20 years of my life. I've been doing work around feminist causes nearly as long. I've been doing Rape Crisis work for almost 20 years.

Only rarely, in those years, have I thrown up my hands and wondered if I were on a fool's errand. Most of the time I can see that for the bad that people endure, there is also good in the volunteers who climb out of bed to take on a mission of mercy. I like to think that I've seen the very best that humanity can offer to each other.

In the past year, my agency has been undergoing a shift in how we do prevention work. We are now attempting to take a very focused, deliberate, and systematic approach to addressing the root causes of sexual violence and creating change along the whole of the social spectrum. Big words, eh? We want to prevent people from perpetrating rape rather than continue to tell potential victims how to make the next person a more likely target.

This afternoon, I was in conversation with a new board member about her interest in our agency. She related a conversation she'd had with her boss about wanting to make the community a safer place for her daughter to grow up in. And it hit me . . . . her daughter is 3 now. And in HER LIFE TIME, we actually could see an end to the problem of rape as we know it. It is a very real possibility.

So, what's the opposite of throwing up your hands in hopelessness?

New Link

You'll notice that in the "Places worth checking out" section, there is a new link. You can also get there by clicking on the title of this post.

It is a section of the EndAbuse site called "Coaching Boys into Men."

Feminist philosophers, sociologists, counselors, and researchers of all ilks have commented on the differences between the way boys and girls are reared. We spend a lot of time talking about how to bring up smart, healthy, confident girls. But, what do we offer boys?

I totally understand patriarchy as the underlying influence on our planet. I also understand that much of the world around us reinforces the notion of male as superior. That's not what this is about. This is about the real, live boys all around us who aren't getting the role models, dedicated adults, and positive direction they need to also be smart, healthy, and confident people.

Too many boys grow up without a positive male influence in their lives. A male who can counter the negative portrayals of masculinity and what it means to be a "real man." Too many boys are left to imagine or make up what being grown up means. For too many boys, we fail to give them the road map we give girls (even if what girls get is passively given.)

If you have boys in your life who are into sports and sports culture, Coaching Boys into Men may be just the resource you're looking for to help. They have good resources and many if not all are free.

This Just In

There is a movement to bring attention to the issue of violence against women through standing up with your wardrobe.

Wear Red on Oct. 31 to be a part of the movement. For more information, click on the title for the web site "Document the Silence."