Relationships

One of the skills I've been able to develop doing my job are friend/relationship skills.

The first rule is that you have to make the time to keep in touch with people. Even the people who live nearby. It is much to easy to get swept up in the daily grind and find yourself at the end of the day thinking "oh darn, I meant to call Julie." There are fun web sites for sending karma or cards or funny pictures. Just a little something that shows you were thinking of them can go a long way in keeping the friend vibe going. Show up with an unexpected treat -- like their favorite candy or a balloon.

Also, find times to talk on the phone. I have quite a few friends who live hours away. Some I speak to on the phone once a week - others once a month -- others stick to email. But, finding the time to catch up keeps you closer.

The second rule is remember what is important to your friends. Their kid's birthdays. Anniversaries - good and bad. Scary doctor's appointments or exams. Nothing shows that you actually care like remembering the details - and taking the time to show some support. For example: tomorrow, a friend is going for her yearly exam -- an event we all hate. She particularly hates it. I have made a note to myself to call her about an hour before to give her a pep talk and try to make her laugh over it.

The third rule is be sweet. You wouldn't believe what a compliment -- genuine of course -- does for keeping the friendship vibe going. A good friend of mine waxed a couple of years ago that contrary to popular belief -- life is LONG not short. We have too much time in our lives to NOT tell people we love them or that we care for them or that we admire them. If you think they are really good at parenting -- tell them. If you are amazed by their talents, let them know. Unfortunately, most of us don't hear the good stuff about ourselves enough. Today, as I was leaving work -- and will be taking a mini-break and won't be back until Monday, I made sure I let my co-workers that I especially appreciate that they do such a good job and I can leave the office secure in knowing they can handle anything.

And, lastly - respect your friends and your lovers. I think respect is the single most important aspect of any relationship. Respect means that even when you disagree, you still treat them well. Respect means not "hitting below the belt" when you're mad. Respect means keeping secrets or helping them find help even if they don't think they need it. Respect also means being true to yourself -- so that you are a truer friend.