A Huge Leap Forward

Much stress around the office.  Lots of outreach/community education with the start of the school year.  Still waiting for a grantor to honor their contract with us.  

But, still a tad bit "work high" from a new development this week.  Years ago, I attended a wonderful workshop at the national conference about a new program to train nurses to gather forensic evidence in sexual violence cases . . . document it . . . and teach them to testify.  It was hugely successful in the communities where it was going on.  

I immediately met with the director of our Emergency Department about this cool new idea.  I had grand plans . . . a room equipped with everything we would need to perform truly excellent forensic examinations, nurses trained and available.  It was going to be cool.  Except that the hospital had plans for expanding and renovating the ED and a forensic examination room wasn't in their plans.

That was years ago.  Since then, I've tried to convince individual nurses to take the training.  But, even the few who did were frustrated by the hospital's lack of cooperation and found higher paying jobs elsewhere.

Until this week.  This week, we had a certified forensic nurse examiner perform an evidence kit . . . and she had a nurse in training with her.  I learned that there are 7 nurses in our ED who have taken the 50 hours of classroom training and are working through their 50 hours of clinicals.  The trainee nurse told me that she is hoping that in a year's time . . . they will have all kits performed by a forensic nurse examiner and possibly our exam room set up.

For those of you not aware of the forensic nurse examiner program . . . the program is open to nurses with several years of ED or women's health nursing experience.  There is extensive classroom training for everything from evidence preservation to being cross examined.  

Most clients won't necessarily realize the difference . . . except that the forensic nurses work harder to build a relationship with the victim . . . to make the evidence gathering process as much of a joint venture as possible.  And, I noticed that the nurse was a lot more patient with examining for internal trauma when usually doctors only notice it if there is blood or it is unmistakable.  

It took years and much patience, but oh my goodness is this a huge leap forward for us.

Trauma

Very bad behavior is a crime. We understand that and we punish accordingly. We, as a people, disapprove of stealing and hurting and other forms of misbehavior. But, over the past couple of decades, we are starting to understand that misbehavior is more than just taking that which we don't have a right to . . . it has lasting impact. Trauma doesn't go away so easily.

As I was reminded of the lasting effects of trauma yesterday when a man who works with another agency in my community was visiting our office. He said that he'd had a rough morning. When he arrived at his work place, he heard that there had been a tornado that touched down in his town a few miles away. He described calling people to verify the story and see what damages could be reported. He mentioned that he'd lived in the same town 20 some odd years ago when the town was nearly destroyed by tornadoes. Even though a life time has passed since those tornadoes . . . clearly the trauma of it still plays in his mind when the weather turns foul.

Trauma can make people react more strongly than you might expect. Trauma can lead to faulty logic and funny decisions. Trauma inflicted by people is harder to recover from than forces of nature. And, the long term trauma of being victimized sexually or physically is worthy of our society's patience.

Just something to think about.

"Cherry Picking"

Yeah, I like crime TV. Although, my husband refuses to watch any fictional work that includes a sexual assault because I always end up pointing out the errors or inconsistencies. I find it a bit maddening that rarely are Rape Victim Advocates included in story lines . . . and when they are, it is always as an obstruction or potential victim.

Tonight, The Closer fell back on a favorite story line for rape cases. The group of white, upper-middle class boys who rape girls as part of a bet or competition. Most crime shows eventually use this story line. Generally, this story line can make the boys out to be unsympathetic creatures while appealing to adults who see victims as either wholly innocent or "asking for it." And, there is usually some power dynamic involved, some extra layer of entitlement to really add to the story line.

The Closer got a few details right . . . in the real world, there is a small subset of men who rape . . . but they have multiple victims. Also, in the real world, surrounding the group of rapists are "facilitators" who assist the perps in gaining access to victims and/or help them get away with it. Surrounding the facilitators are bystanders . . . they may be vaguely aware of what is going on . . . or not . . . and they have power to reinforce a group norm or not.

The fact of the matter is, rarely are perpetrators wholly evil and rarely are victims wholly innocent or "asking for it." When we as a society can have a more realistic grasp on what the real issues around rape are . . . perhaps we can create real responses and preventions.

For more information about the realities about young, middle class folks involved in rape culture, check out this video/research.

Secondary victims

When our agency serves primary victims of sexual violence . . . meaning the people the violence actually happened to . . . we are also on the lookout for secondary victims who may need help. A secondary victim, as you may have guessed, is a family member, roommate, or good friend/partner of the primary victim.

When we work with Moms . . . often I see a delayed emotional reaction. Moms tend to move themselves into a mode of being the caregiver . . . the person handling the details of medical care and interacting with law enforcement, the courts, and support agencies. I warn Moms that they may find that once the primary victim starts to function more normally, then they may relax to the point where they experience their own emotional response.

When I work with roommates, we talk about fear . . . and the need to balance their own desire to be supportive but also taking care of themselves.

It goes on . . . over the years we have seen trends in how people react . . . based on their own position and personalities.

I was recently in the ER with a young woman. She was with her mother and sister. She was very open to assistance and seemed to have very good support from her family. She was not interested in reporting the crime to law enforcement. She could articulate why she was making this decision . . . and had a pretty clear idea what she did want as well.

I could see from her mother's reactions that mom didn't really agree. I think the mother was hoping I would have some magic words to reverse her adult daughter's decision. There was a quiet moment when I could talk to the mom on her own. I explained that it was important that her daughter be given the opportunity to make decisions for herself . . . that the perpetrator had taken the right to make decisions away from her daughter and that she would "heal" better, faster if we could restore decision making back to her, even if we don't agree with those decisions. The expression on the mom's face told me that she understood, and ultimately wanted what was best for her daughter. And, I could see that the mom was relieved that her concerns had been understood too.

SAAM

Years ago, a friend who does this work in another community was expecting a baby. The baby was due in April, and we learned it was a girl. For months, we begged and teased the mother-to-be that she should name her daughter Sam.

SAAM (pronounced Sam) is Sexual Assault Awareness Month . . . or as we in the business think of it "April."

Every year, it is a challenge to plan new and exciting activities and events to capture the attention and interest of people in our community. This year, we have given ourselves an extra challenge of creating not just Awareness activities, but activities that will engage people and hopefully inspire them to work with us for longer term change.

This year, our focus population is college aged men. We have a week of activities on the local college campus planned to bring men to the table, peak their interest, and then sign them up to be mentors as well as help us petition the college to strengthen the language in the school's sexual assault policy.

We are hosting a "Dorm Storm" . . . and are lucky enough to have a frat that will go into all the men's dorms and put up posters and create a scene so that students are drawn to the action. We will be having a "white ribbon" campaign . . . asking men to sign a pledge that they will not condone, commit, or remain silent about sexual violence. All of the campus police will tie white ribbons to their vehicles in support of this activity. And, we have t-shirts that were designed by a student group we will be distributing to men on campus . . . and encouraging them to wear them to the spring football scrimmage for fun and prizes.

Our hope is that we will shift the thinking about sexual violence from "it's a girl thing" to "it's a problem for women, but an issue for men."

Quote of the week

Last week, one of our workers spoke to a women's civic group. You know, the nice older ladies who plant gardens and make sure local libraries have books.



Anyway, one of the nice older ladies said that her grandchild had come home from school the other day and said to her . . . with all seriousness . . .



Grammy Anita (name changed to protect the innocent), don't you ever let anyone touch your testicles."

She assured him that she would never let anyone touch her testicles.

Earning my keep

I know I've not written an entry in a while. My writing efforts are directed at grant season. My agency is a small, grassroots type organization. We aren't one of those large, foundation based organizations. So, each year, I have to write grants to keep our doors open and staff paid.

My husband teaches, and about this time of year starts getting term papers. I love the many, many reasons students have for not getting their papers written and/or turned in on time. In turn, my husband tells his students about how someday, keeping their jobs may depend upon getting a "term paper" in on time.

Imagine this, if you will. You spend all year doing your job. Getting up in the middle of the night to the blaring of the pager. You attend endless meetings. You generate reports and reports and reports. Then, as if none of that matters, you must reapply for your funding. You must generate an "application" that looks into not just what you accomplished in the past year, but what you promise to accomplish in the coming year. You answer specific questions in limited space. You generate attachments. You chase down board members to sign the application, and assurances you don't discriminate or send your money to terrorists.

There is an art to estimating what you can accomplish in the coming year . . . as well as how much money you will spend. You want to appear to be moving forward without promising to deliver the impossible. At the same time, you want to have reasonable expenses but you don't want to find yourself out of funds before the end of the year. At the same time, how do you estimate how many miles, exactly, you and your staff will travel each week a year from now? And how do you estimate how much you will pay for utilities a year from now?

Then, once you finish the application and double check each page to make sure you don't have glaring errors or gaps. Then, you make copies. The last grant I submitted was 105 pages long and required 13 copies, 3 hole punched. (And, I have one of the smaller grants submitted to this funder because I have only one program I for which I request funds.)

With some grants, a committee reviews what you have submitted. I have found that often the people who serve on these committees may or may not have a personal agenda. Other times, some of the people who serve on these committees don't have specific understanding of what victim service agencies do on a day to day basis. I've had committees ask me why don't we just lobby for women to have a curfew to keep them safe. One year, I had a committee come back and ask why we don't spend equal resources on male victims as female. Let's see . . . last year we had a total of 367 people served . . . of which 20 were male. Say we had a budget of $100,000. I don't see spending $50,000 on 20 victims and $50,000.00 on the other 347 victims.

Because I take seriously my responsibility to be a good steward of public funds, I get really annoyed when other non-profits abuse their funds. Every time a non-profit leader misuses, steals, or fudges their funds . . . all non-profits become objects of suspicion.

Also, it is a lot of pressure to know that other people are counting on me to do a good job on the grants so that they can keep their jobs, possibly get a little raise.

And, I really dislike feeling like I have to compete with other non-profits to keep our doors open. I struggle to walk the fine line between promoting how really good my agency is and not running down other agencies doing this work.

Numbers game

One of the functions that is necessary in this sort of work is keeping up with numbers. We need to be able to show our funders that we are indeed serving the people we claim we are . . . and we need to be able to track our own services and contrast them by the needs we are seeing. For example, I'm currently writing a grant for some money to pay for professional counseling for adult clients who can't afford counseling or don't have adequate insurance coverage.

Accepting the numbers agencies like mine submit takes a little faith and a little bit of a critical eye. I remember a few years ago, a similar agency reported that they fielded 1,500 crisis line calls but only assisted 7 clients. Or when an agency in a community with a total population of 20,000 says that they provided victim services to 2,000 new and unique victims in a year. Or, when an agency in a community of 500,000 only served 3 victims of sexual violence in a year.

One of the questions we constantly ask ourselves is: how do we report accurately the number of people we serve and the units of service we offer. Some agencies will say "we provided shelter to 1,200 people last year" when their shelter sleeps 7. Or, another agency said they provided support group services to 5,000 people in the course of 52 weeks. Clearly, these organizations are leading folks to believe that units of service and individuals served are the same thing.

In my agency, we work hard to be clear in our numbers. We have developed a report from which all funder reports are pulled . . . and when the funder's report leaves us feeling as if it doesn't adequately express all we do, we give them a copy of our internal reporting. It is a two second report . . . that fits on one sheet of paper. One part reflects the individuals served, categorized by type of victimization. When we have an individual who has experienced multiple victimizations, we count them for the primary abuse that first brought them to our agency. If someone stops contact with us, and several months pass before contacting us again, if there has been a new victimization, they get counted as if they are a whole new person. We do this not to bolster our numbers but to reflect the amount of violence in our community.

The second part of the report shows the units of service. In a month, we may serve 12 new victims/survivors but answer our crisis line 28 times. One client who is seen in the ER typically has, at minimum, 3 crisis line calls, an er call, a follow up call, and one or two "information and referral" services.

We also report how many calls are taken outside normal business hours to demonstrate that even when personnel aren't physically in the office, services are offered and used.

And, lastly, we don't have a computerized client record system. Yet. If we were to purchase such a system, we would also have to put it on a machine that is not connected to the internet or networked with our other computers. I would rather use paper and pencil than ever have to call clients and tell them that our records were hacked. The question we haven't resolved yet is how long do we keep client records. I'm starting to think that 10 years is long enough . . . but I have a sneaking feeling that if we shredded records, the next week something would get requested by the courts.

Which opens a whole new box of worms. Because we do not do professional therapy in our office, I don't feel that we need to keep extensive notes on clients or assessments. Our client records really give us the demographic information we need for reports and brief, factual, notes on the crime. I have had the courts request our files before . . . and because we don't keep extensive records on individuals . . . our client records have never been judged by a Judge to be worth sharing in a trial. I think this is one of the great advantages of a small, grassroots type organization.

The Littlest Thing

One of the aspects of my job I have always appreciated is that I don't have the rules and constraints that folks who work for branches of government seem to be bound by. I have open opportunity to do that which needs to be done in order to get our clients the help they need, even when that help isn't EXACTLY my job.

For example, this morning I received a call from a woman in another community. She seemed at the end of her rope. And, she seemed to genuinely want to help herself. She couldn't find a support group that would address her specific needs. She tried calling an organization you would automatically think of in her situation only to find that their help line number had been disconnected.

She gave me a bit of a run down of her current situation and what help she wants. I feel like I did a good job of hearing her. I promised to scout around and see what I could find for her. I called agencies in her local area as well as resources at the state level.

Then, I made the most important phone call. I called her back to give her an update. I explained the agencies I'd called, their response, and that I expected that I'd be able to call her back soon to give her more information. There was genuine relief in her voice. That two minute phone call to up date her let her know she wasn't being regarded as a bother or another loser. She realized that her vulnerability to me was heard and responded to in an appropriate way. And, someone cared about her.

These are all the things we want our clients to experience from our services. We can't always give them a tangible result but we can let them know that they are important, that they were heard, and that they are cared for in our community.

Relationships

One of the skills I've been able to develop doing my job are friend/relationship skills.

The first rule is that you have to make the time to keep in touch with people. Even the people who live nearby. It is much to easy to get swept up in the daily grind and find yourself at the end of the day thinking "oh darn, I meant to call Julie." There are fun web sites for sending karma or cards or funny pictures. Just a little something that shows you were thinking of them can go a long way in keeping the friend vibe going. Show up with an unexpected treat -- like their favorite candy or a balloon.

Also, find times to talk on the phone. I have quite a few friends who live hours away. Some I speak to on the phone once a week - others once a month -- others stick to email. But, finding the time to catch up keeps you closer.

The second rule is remember what is important to your friends. Their kid's birthdays. Anniversaries - good and bad. Scary doctor's appointments or exams. Nothing shows that you actually care like remembering the details - and taking the time to show some support. For example: tomorrow, a friend is going for her yearly exam -- an event we all hate. She particularly hates it. I have made a note to myself to call her about an hour before to give her a pep talk and try to make her laugh over it.

The third rule is be sweet. You wouldn't believe what a compliment -- genuine of course -- does for keeping the friendship vibe going. A good friend of mine waxed a couple of years ago that contrary to popular belief -- life is LONG not short. We have too much time in our lives to NOT tell people we love them or that we care for them or that we admire them. If you think they are really good at parenting -- tell them. If you are amazed by their talents, let them know. Unfortunately, most of us don't hear the good stuff about ourselves enough. Today, as I was leaving work -- and will be taking a mini-break and won't be back until Monday, I made sure I let my co-workers that I especially appreciate that they do such a good job and I can leave the office secure in knowing they can handle anything.

And, lastly - respect your friends and your lovers. I think respect is the single most important aspect of any relationship. Respect means that even when you disagree, you still treat them well. Respect means not "hitting below the belt" when you're mad. Respect means keeping secrets or helping them find help even if they don't think they need it. Respect also means being true to yourself -- so that you are a truer friend.

OH JOY

Life in a service providing, rural, non-profit is always hard. Providing services isn't always appreciated by the community, at least until a big case. People with money assume they will never will need our services. And, the work we do is easy to ignore or misunderstand.

We always struggle for money. We work hard to make sure we are accountable for the money we take in. We keep good financial records. We try to know about and adhere to all laws and regulations for non-profits.

But, today, I got the chance to do something that really warmed my heart. I've never done this work for the money. But, the last year has been hard enough, financially, that I find myself awake at nights worrying about money.

Today, I received a grant check in the mail. $50,000.00. It is satisfying to deposit that sum of money in our account - and know that for the next 9 months, I won't be awake nights worrying about money.

Now I can worry about other things - like why it's so hard to convince people that working to end rape is a good thing.

Friday Fun Client Stories

Actually, today I'm gonna tell on my self a bit.

I've always, or pretty much always, had feminist leanings. My early childhood years were spent in the San Francisco Bay area in the early to mid 70s. My mom was a grad. student at Berkeley. We spent more time seeing freaky things in SF and Berkeley than most kids. I have memories of not being at all shocked at seeing naked people on the street. I remember seeing people I now know were out of their gourds high dancing to their own music. I remember my mom having a "rape whistle" on her keys. I also remember Saturdays spent on grassy lawns watching my mom's belly dancing class perform.

Add to all this, my best friend's mom was also something of a feminist. In fact, it was from my friend's mom and sister I learned the phrase "male chauvinist pig." The first time I used the phrase at home was towards my father when he told me to do dishes while he and my brother's watched football. He later told me that he tried really hard not to laugh as to not encourage me.

But, despite all my feminist leanings, I didn't really have many female friends when I was in jr. high or high school. I didn't get into girl competition for male attention. I wasn't completely absorbed in my appearance. I didn't spend hours giggling over pictures of cute boys in magazines. I probably came dangerously close to needing to have a telephone receiver surgically removed from my ear.

It was frustrating to be a young feminist - and at the same time feel so disconnected from other girls. Fortunately, in college and adulthood, I've found many wonderful women who are smart, and funny, and kind, and who make wonderful friends. It's enough to restore all those feminist leanings.

A most unsatisfying experience

Late yesterday afternoon, we received a call from the manager of a rather large business in town -- one of those businesses that donates lots of money to charity and encourages their employees to volunteer. He wanted a speaker for his employee meeting. Today. Early this morning. But, how could we refuse? We want their monetary and physical support in the future.

So, we arrived early. And, they weren't ready yet. Then, they had us meet in the warehouse - which was loud, and big, and kinda echoed. Then, the manager made mention of it being Domestic Violence month. I smiled and said - yes, it is domestic violence month, but since we do sexual violence response, I can't really address the other issues.

I'm not entirely sure the people beyond the first row heard anything I said. They had that kinda blank stare. Then, when we finished up the shtick, we turned around and the manager had disappeared. The employees didn't seem to know what was expected. I was seriously considering some softshoe and jazz hands, when the manager showed back up. There was mention of choco cake - but none materialized.

I'm not sure what the employees got out of our appearance at their staff meeting. Maybe someday, one of them will want to volunteer.

Rape is Bad

Recently, I was participating in a state wide planning meeting - and we decided we needed to come up with a quick and easy to understand definition for us to use with people who don't work in this field but who we need to understand why what we do is so important.

I suggested "rape is bad."

They liked it, but ultimately decided to go with one that was a tad more informative.

But, at the heart of it all - just remember "rape is bad."

For those of you who don't have the history on this movement - here's the quick version. During the late 60s and early 70s, we experienced what is often referred to as the second wave of feminism. Women were getting together and discussing their lives. Many found they shared a history of sexual and domestic abuse. From these discussions, groups formed to bring attention to the issue of abuse -- and to create services for the abused. The first rape crisis centers were very grassroots and varied greatly by community. During the late 70s, 80s, and 90s rape crisis and domestic violence centers opened across the country. Now, most communities in the US have some form of response to violence against women/children.

But, the influence of this movement has also marked a change in our thinking about crime. We have moved away from thinking of prisons as solely places to reform criminals and more like places where reform can take place, but that the function is also that of public safety by keeping criminals away from the general public. We also have seen the rise of "victim rights" thereby improving the experience victims of any crime.

These days, you can find that most sexual abuse or domestic abuse centers are professionalized while still holding on to many of the grassroots ideals. You will also find that the public understanding of abuse has grown tremendously - and that currently there is a real push to make these organizations responsible business partners with governments and the community.

So, blog against abuse. Donate your time, expertise, money, resources, or voice to your local agency. Vote for leaders and judges who will protect the rights of victims. Or, simply know how to get in touch with your local agency just in case you ever have a friend who needs the information.

Rape and Oppression

Rape is oppression.

Rape is, regardless of what the federal government believes, a hate crime. The vast majority of victims are female and the vast majority of the perpetrators of this crime are male. It's a fact. Yes, there are female perpetrators and Yes, there are male victims. However, it still remains a fact that those cases are far less common.

The society wide consequence of this fact is that all women must fear rape - and thus must conform to a fairly silly code of conduct in order to "protect themselves" from rapists. By silly code of conduct, I'm talking about includes, but is not limited to, how women dress, how they conduct themselves in business and socially - being friendly but never actually flirting - and keeping doors and windows locked, looking over our shoulders, and never never having the blinds or curtains open if we change our clothes. Nudity, even in private, is scandalous. Women who are known to have a drink or socialize are suspect. The real kicker is that most of these behaviors are ignored or over looked - until a woman is raped. Then, suddenly any behavior is reason she "deserved" it.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it prevents our society from addressing the phenomena of rape as it truly exists and it allows individuals to blame the wrong party for the crime.

And this is why rape is oppression. I know that people around the country are talking about the issues of oppression as the Jena 6 situation is rehashed and reexamined. Racism is oppression. And so is rape. As you talk about the Jena 6 situation, remember that oppression is one of those ills we, as a society, have been combating for generations. All oppressions. But, we must be honest with ourselves about the perpetrators of oppression - and the victims. We can't come to conclusions and remedies until we first see the issue clearly.

swimming upstream

My agency recently undertook a change in our prevention programming. In the past, we specialized in the one time, twenty minute program to anyone who would give us a room and an audience. It wasn't the most effective "prevention" tool - but it was a great way to help people in our communities know help existed and wasn't at all scary.

Now, we are creating - out of thin air - new programs designed to work with high risk populations to create attitude and behavior changes. Also, rather than telling women and children to confine their activities or change their functioning to avoid rapists, we are working to make parents more responsible for looking after their children and teaching men that rape is bad. It's exciting, but it also means that it's something of a crap shoot. If we knew exactly why people commit sexual crimes - then it would be so much easier to prevent.

So, last night our Prevention Coordinator went to a community forum on alcoholism in order to see how the community reacts and considers problems of this scope. She was horrified when a medical doctor dismissed prevention efforts as "they have their place, but they are largely ineffective."

Sigh.

If the local community thinks that you can't prevent alcoholism - what chance do we have to convince them that rape is not part of the normal relationship between the sexes?

National Conference

I'll be away for the rest of the week - attending the national conference. YAY! I'll be learnin' me something. I can't say what, but something.

Heh heh.

Pleasantly surprised

The community in which I live supports a small university. For the longest time, this school was little more than a regional school that drew students primarily from the surrounding counties. There were a few "outside" students -- but not many. It was, until recently the very definition of a "suitcase college."

A few years ago they recruited a new chancellor who had growth on his mind. (Truth be told, he saw this school as a stepping stone in his career and didn't much care what he did to people or the community so long as he moved up the ladder of his life.) For those who aren't terminally geeky - there is a population bubble of college aged folks -- so, colleges have been scrambling to expand and attract these extra kids to their schools. The big name schools, as always, can pick and choose the students they want - but the small regional schools have to find ways to attract kids.

The new chancellor decided that football would be the golden ticket. He has been talking football since he arrived. Even when people pointed to the million dollars to field a team, the multiple millions to build facilities, and the financial drain to maintain it all - he pushed and pushed and pushed. This year, they finally got football. Even though the chancellor has raised student fees at least twice to support it. And, he diverted funds from 14 new faculty positions to support it. And, there doesn't seem to be a stable long term plan for sustaining it. This weekend, they played football on campus.

I braced myself for what I assumed would happen. This school is already known for its' party atmosphere - which has only gotten worse over the years. I assumed I wouldn't sleep through the weekend because I'd be called to the ER to assist a student who had too much to drink and became a target for a perv.

And, I wasn't. Nothing. No calls. Nary a beep. Nada. Zip. Of course, lots of kids don't report immediately - so I'm not getting comfortable yet. And, just because no one showed up in the ER doesn't mean a rape didn't happen - it could just mean that it went unreported. Which worries me more.

WHEW!

The first day of school! This means that the vast majority of children have adult supervision today. When schools are out, and parents typically have to work - kids become even more vulnerable to creeps. I hate school holidays when parents have to work - because only parents of rather young children bother to find child care. I personally think kids need supervision until they are out of the home. Although I would have resented the hell out of it if my parents had arranged for a baby sitter when I was 15.

Summer is traditionally the busiest time for our crisis services. Teens and "tweens" find themselves bored, looking for something to do, and little supervision. People leave their windows and doors open in the heat. Single adults spend more time in social settings and drinking and meeting new people. Kids want to prove to themselves (and others) that they are actually more grown up than they are. Predators know all this - and are on the prowl.

This summer wasn't the worst summer for teens in the Emergency Room. We had several - but not the numbers that we've seen in some years. We had the busiest spring we'd ever had, so perhaps more predators were off the streets before the summer season hit.

Now, we'll have a couple of weeks with increased calls from school guidance counselors who learn of abuse that happened over the summer but went unreported until now. We also get lots more calls the last two weeks of the semester -- when kids who have kept a lid on their "secret" all these months - but realize that over christmas break or summer break that they will be trapped with their abusers and have no choice but to tell someone.

My sick, sad sense of humor

One of my favorite games to play with (on) my husband is to come up with some completely nonsensical phrase and ask him if he knows (wink wink) what it means . . . as if it's something perverted. Given the fact that I spend my days talking about sex more than the average person, he ALWAYS assumes that I know all sorts of strange and bizarro terms and acts.

Heee Heee -- I love it when he clamps his hands over his ears and hums loudly, just in case I decide to tell him what the phrase means.

Call it an occupational hazard.