Wednesday, October 3, 2007

What's in a Name?

Names are important. How you address other people is an indicator of your respect or manners. Business transactions can be derailed by calling someone the wrong name. A name can be an indication of enslavement or individuality.

It is my belief that names are even more significant for women. In the field in which I work, many women recognize the practice of changing one's name upon marriage significant. Heterosexual women sometimes see this as an extension of sexual ownership or loss of individual identity. Homosexual women who are in committed relationships see the different last names as a constant reminder of the denial of marriage rights.

And, there are a variety of ways to remedy this situation. I've seen women hyphenate their names upon marriage. But, I also see them drop the hyphen over the years -- especially if the hyphenated name is especially long or awkward, or if they have children and don't want to saddle children with an especially long name. I know of one couple who both took the hyphenated name so that they would have the same last name. (I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.) And, I know one couple who created a new last name incorporating parts of their original names and both took the new name. I've known lesbian couples who changed their names legally to a hyphenated name.

I didn't change my name when I got married. Some people have clued into this and are respectful. Others insist on calling me by my husband's name.

Some times, when someone calls my husband by my last name, and we gently correct them - they get flustered and assume they have insulted him. However, if they call me by his last name and we gently correct them - I notice they act as if we have insulted them. Very strange.

But today, I had a thought. I attended a meeting today where most of the women in the group had hyphenated last names. I wondered if they assume I took my husband's last name because mine isn't hyphenated? I wonder what other assumptions this leads them to make about my feminist notions or liberal/conservative leanings?

No comments: