Maybe I'm missing something . . . ?

This little thought springs up in my mind from time to time. Maybe I am totally missing something in my sex life. I'm happily married. I feel that we have a relationship that has room for give and take - and equality. But, I can't imagine that there is any sex out there good enough for me to give up my home, my marriage, my family, my work, everything I've worked so hard to secure.

In the news this week, are two stories about men in leadership roles who are now faced with a media firestorm over their sexual behaviors. Rep. Bob Allen of Florida was arrested soliciting an undercover cop for a sex act for $20 in a public loo. (This is the same Bob Allen who proposed a law against such behaviors.) Senator Vitter from Louisiana held yet another press conference about the fact his name/number appeared on the client list for a recently convicted "madame" in DC -- and has admitted that he did, indeed, use her services. According to media reports, rumors have swirled in LA for years about Vitter and prostitutes - a story he has always denied. Now, he's saying that he did frequent prostitutes in DC - but the stories of him seeing prostitutes in LA are all lies! Somehow, I don't really believe him.

In the case of Bob Allen - he was prostituting himself. Which means, he was taking on the risk for himself. But, I can't imagine what he might get out of the act (beyond the $20) that would make all that has happened since worth the thrill. Rep. Allen was perpetuating prostitution through his own acts -- and making what should be a safe, public space a place where families, individuals, law abiding citizens will now be too creeped out to visit.

I have more problems with Vitter. One, he was perpetuating the unequal relationship between prostitute and john as well as an antiquated power dynamic between men and women - namely that women's bodies can be bought and sold for the momentary service of men with money and power. But, also, he cheapens his wife by putting her in a position in which she needs to decide if she's going to cut and run - or smile for the cameras and stand by her man. Again - perpetuating the inequality between Vitter and "his women."

And, by holding press conferences and acting as if he has any right to be indignant or self-righteous about these events, he further cheapens the women he paid for sex. He attempts to make himself "better" than them - in that he has a voice and a means to speak up for himself - and the women he paid are left in the shadows or possibly fearful for retributions.

So, again, I wonder -- what about sex - or booze or pills or porn or any of the other vices -- is so good that you could put in jeopardy all that really is precious and worth while in your life? Or, are these men just that dumb that they think they'll never be caught and held responsible for their behaviors?